Waiting for someone to give me answers. This is not what i was hoping to become.

I miss a year ago so much.
That was a pretty crap time back then for me
but I'd rather it than now.
Everything didn't fall apart until this year really,
I failed year 11
disappointed so many people.
I got hurt badly by someone I cared about a lot.
My best friend went experienced something so tragic I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I lost one of my best friends in a way,
and disappointed another deeply.
I wasted a lot of time drinking and doing so many things I regret.
Now that I look back I see how much of a fucking fail this past year has been.
I just want to go back to last year,
when I was this innocent kid who didn't know anything hardly.
I have this awful feeling everything is going to downhill from here though..


Christmas sucked as always.
I was negative about it didn't give a fuck.
I got so drunk Christmas night it was disgusting, I've never been that bad in my life. I Threw up everywhere had to be carried home practically, and put to bed.
Not a good look for a female.
I disappointed myself more than anyone.

I have this awful feeling everything is going to downhill from here though..
but I wont let that happen.
I'm really gonna try to change for the better next year.
and actually do it
I really want to change who I am.

The year wasn't completely awful though.
I had some fun times I'll never forget.
I got my first tattoo, that I don't regret because
I feel strongly about Amity, They make me feel better, when I'm down
just by listening to them, It's really indescribable how they make me feel.
and in years when I look back, I'll see how much they meant to me and how happy i felt, I don't think I'll regret that.

Also i made some of the best friends this year who mean alot to me.
I always have the best fun hanging out with them, they've made things happier for me.
They know who they are :)
But I miss my old friends a lot too. The ones that have been there for me.
I promise I'll catch up with you more,
and make up for my shitty friendship of late.

Beautiful, Dirty, Rich.

Photos by Tina Ky
www.myspace.com/tk_arts

I knew the lights of the city were too heavy for me.

I need a break, a vacation.
I'm getting sick of everything and everyone.
I don't even know what i want anymore, maybe it's lack of school that's doing this to me, but i somehow doubt it. I wish i could start of fresh somewhere completely different from this place, this life. This is another reason i love reading, while reading a book you can escape into a whole alternate world, a world created by the author to capture you. You become a part of the book. I guess it's like watching a movie, but I've always preferred books to movies anyway, they're more personal, you can take a book anywhere.
I haven't read a book in ages, i feel quite ashamed. I don't know if it's because I'm too scared to try a new book or series, therefore I keep re reading the same books; or if I've been to addicted to the Internet lately. Either way, i want to change this.
This is one of my favourite books:





I think i first read this book when i was 13 maybe? A friend of mine was reading it and recommended it to me, but i do know, i couldn't put it down! I'm not sure as such if i like the story as such, but it is addictive, I have read all the books in the series, and the prequel and it is a very sad story. You just want to keep reading to see if things will ever run smoothly for Cathy. But nevertheless i definitely think it's a good book. And when you think about it, everyone loves reading about a scandal that's not involving them. I would like to see a remake of the movie also, it was very poorly made, I'm not sure when it's release date is, so this could have something to do with it, I'm quite surprised actually that it HASN'T been remade yet, to be honest.

Listening
Georgia On My Mind- Michael Buble

What If...

I always wonder what it would be like if the Internet crashed.
Like completely broke so that everything was deleted. Social sites, blogs, records, bank accounts, EVERYTHING!
It would affect every living person on this earth just about.
I think we rely too much on technology ans electronic devices that needs electricity & power to operate. I know it's alot easier than having everything on paper and in files and such, but who's to say it really can't stuff up.
There's always that slight possibility it could. To be perfectly honest I'd rather of lived years and years ago when none of this existed, the world if full of hatred evil people these days.
I'd rather not of been living when people like Judy Garland were alive singing songs about Love & Friendship and fancying the boy next door!
It's the world toady that makes me want to believe in religion and have faith in something beautiful, like trying to live my life to the best of my ability with as much love as possible. But God and Christianity, that's another story...


Listening
Time- Pink Floyd

<3

First Tattoo.

It’s killing
us all won’t
you set it
free?
I’ll hang you
on the wall
and call you
misery.

Drop Dead Gorgeous.

So i was stumbling along Buzznet earlier, and i came across some fashion photos of do's and dont's and i found this bizzare line of work, by a British taxidermist called Reid Peppard, i've never seen anything like it! It really is "out there". I can see why alot of people would get angry and crack up about it, (I can't say i'd fancy wearing a dead rat on my head) but as long as the animals aren't killed purposely, i don't think it's that big of an issue. What's the difference in that and people who make taxidermy animals of their pets, to keep them around longer?
Hmmm i have to say, i really like the feather headpieces though, definatly wear those!

These ties were always fake. Put together to make you feel safe.

House vs. Hurricane last night!
I can't believe it's been so long!
I forgot how much i missed them, god i love that band :)
Weekend plains got ruined so i turned to drinking last night to improve my mood, not
at all sure if this was a good idea really. I know i was pissing of jazz & Rachel alot,
and just being a fool. especially when i was trying to hardcore dance to A Fallen Theory, FML.
None of the outside bits were opened last night so that meant if you wanted a smoke you had to leave then venue, then pay to get back in! yay for not getting caught lighting up in the toilets though :)
Also not many people dressed up!
Jazz and I were pirate hookers which was really fun, until my sword broke.
Yeah other than that it was a fairly good night, mainly because of seeing hvh.
If it had of been just a random geelong gig it would have been massively shit.
I got the mic in Furious George courtesy of Ryan, which was woah and dicker was giving the mic out which was massively aw considering he doesn't do it much. But i got to sing the "it's not too late, to colour your space!" part which was sooooooooo good. I love that bit and then! when dickers screamo part was on, i decided to try screaming it instead of making the mistake of yelling it like at amity. So that was good. My screaming was crap but it sounded better than if i had of sung it!
Fair few kids were getting into it/ some even singing all the words :)
I was happy with that.
Can't wait til they come back from America!




Jazz (:



myself :)



Rachel & I :)



Dressing up as Hartley :)



Just after we'd gotten into the venue and i was gone :|



:)

You don't want them to see the smile you hide.

Sooo! I have finally joined the blogging world! Wow-wee about time i say! I always have a million and one things or other to say but i never get the chance, or i post them in silly Myspace bulletins, which delete after ten days. But yay! I’ve been in such a great mood lately! this past week has been amazing! on Saturday i got to see The Amity Affliction , (If you’re reading this and know me, you’ll know they are one of my all time fave bands :) at the Corner hotel in Melbourne, under age of course; only seven more months until i hit the big One Eight!, with We Are the Ocean from the UK supporting and a band called Hopeless, who i unfortunately didn’t watch live as me and Jessie & Danii decided to have a catch up/goss sesh in the dunnies x) because we didn’t get to in line as stupid Vline train got replaced by a coach, which brings me to another topic. I HATE bus rides that last longer than half an hour, mainly because on most buses these days there are no opening windows, only air con which makes me feel sick. so i was majorly bummed on this whole bus situation. and i ended up getting there an hour later than i had planned. Anyway stayed at the side for most of it, watched WATO, kids got pretty much into them, then they played a new song called Confessions and i was absolutely blown away by the guitarist Liam’s voice, I have never watched a performance and been touched like that it was amazing! Amity played as i expected them to, i didn’t get into it much. The crowd was mostly full of 13 YO girls trying to mosh and crowd surf, so it was a fail even trying to get remotely close, plus i was wearing a singlet top BIG MISTAKE, aha. so after that i went back to the city with Jess and her friend Hayden, got something to eat, and raced back to SCross to catch my bus home! I made it literally in the nick of time!
Then i got home slept and woke up Sunday to bus it into town to watch it all again.
Yeah apparently I’m the only n00b who pays to see amity twice :P
but they were playing here in Geelong! and i always love Melbourne shows. Geelong kids make it shit because most of them are there too look cool and tough at a hardcore scene and not because they love music, or a certain band which shits me. Geelong kids are quite snobby to be honest, they way they treated WATO when they played was disgraceful they came all the way from the UK to play for some snobby kids who acted as though even clapping along would kill them. I just hope the rest of their shows made up for it, because I’d like to see them back here again, i really enjoyed them :) a few kids moshed a bit for amity which was fun, but i wasn’t really dressed for moshing as i figured no one would get into it.
but i was up the front and Joel gave me the Mic in I Heart Roberts, which is the second time I’ve had mic grabs in that song! but anyway it was quite hilarious because it was a screamo part and i obviously CANNOT scream to save myself. So i was singing the words which amused him as he was cracking up -_-
lol! but anyway Jess got mic grabs in JJ’s part in Stairway to Hell which is rapping so she got the easy shit! i got jipped i tell ya. haha anyway their set was cut short as Joel was sick and losing his voice because they’d been playing two shows a day. (poor guys!) but yeah after that we went outside, Jess finally had a somewhat of a conversation with Joel and got a photo! and we may or may not have graffitied in the dirt on their van :P
but that was my AMAZING SELFISH WEEKEND! well the short version anyway. but everything’s been so good lately, i don’t want it to end which inevitably it willl and I’ll feel shit for a bit. but i guess that’s life full of ups and downs.

Listening
Russian Roulette- Rihanna